Danger in the shadow
by mar79
Summary: This is my first fanfiction of Major Crimes, is a choral story, regards the whole team, the case, but mainly Sharon and her family. For this English version (the original is in Italian) I say thank to my friend Janet, thank you for your help and your time. "Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." Ruth E. Renkel
1. Chapter 1

I do not own anything, Major Crimes, and its characters belong to TNT.

The story is set between the 4th and 5th season

 **Danger in the shadow**

 **Chapter One**

Her favorite cup of tea held firmly in her hands, Sharon was leaning against the railing of the balcony, allowing her gaze to wander over the city beneath her. It was just after dawn and was one of the moments she preferred, when the city was no longer asleep, but still not entirely free from the night's inactivity, when the first light and the first voices started to fill the air and the sun's rays began to make their warmth known. It was a moment when she could still pretend murders and violence weren't two of the main activities in LA. She let out a deep sigh and took a sip of her tea, trying to drive out the bad thoughts creeping through her mind. _"Enough,"_ she said to herself, _"you must think only of the good things in your life! You have so much for which to be happy and grateful."_

The noise of the sliding glass door made her turn. Here was one of the reasons to be happy. "Ricky, I'm sorry I woke you up."

Her son moved close to her and, after giving her a kiss on the cheek, leaned against the railing, his back to the city panorama. "Don't worry mom, I like to get up early… usually. I've caught it from you," he said, accompanying his words with a big yawn.

"Yeah, I see it," she laughed, giving him a caress.

Ricky had arrived in Los Angeles two days before for a week's holiday with his family and, as always happened on those occasions, he slept on the living room sofa. Sharon was so happy to have him home, even if for a short time, the opportunities to be together were extremely rare with Ricky so committed to his job. So she decided to do something she almost never did: leave Provenza in charge of Major Crimes and take a completely free weekend to spend with her two boys. They didn't have anything special planned, but they dined out, walked around the town shopping - according to Sharon, Ricky absolutely needed a new wardrobe and a decent hair cut! They had gone to the movies but, above all, they had been together, talking and joking and laughing, so every moment spent together was really special for her. Sometimes with Ricky, Rusty and her there were also Gus and Andy, and her heart swelled with joy knowing that when they were all together they were a family and this was the image given to those who watched them from the outside. If only Emily had been there too, her happiness would be truly complete. Even if…

A wrinkle crossed her forehead and Sharon tightened her lips together as if irritated.

"Mom, what's wrong? You look worried." Ricky leaned to her and looked her in the eyes, then nudged her shoulder with his. "You can talk to me. Do you have problems at work? Or couldn't you sleep because your handsome lieutenant left you alone last night?"

A cheeky grin stretched the boy's lips. "Rusty told me that Andy stays here often for the night, I hope you haven't changed your routine because I'm here. There are aspects of your relationship I prefer not to know, but ... "

"Richard William Raydor, careful with what you're going to say," she admonished him, waving a finger at his face.

"Hey, take it easy, I just wanted to say that we are all grown people, and I wouldn't create trouble in paradise, I think I can bear to see him around the house early in the morning, furthermore Rusty says Andy prepares a great breakfast, and my stomach would appreciate that so much," he finished, rubbing his belly.

"I'm sorry for you, but you'll have to settle for my cooking. And, anyway, no, Ricky, you are not the reason for Andy's absence. Of course, Andy and I are discreet but last night he had an AA meeting and then he went to dinner with Nicole and her family. It was so long since he'd seen her and he hadn't spent much time with the kids."

"Well, I'm happy to know his absence wasn't caused by me." And he was sincere. Rusty kept him informed about the relationship their mother had with Andy, and Ricky knew, from talking with her and seeing them together now, that they were really happy together and that Andy was just what his mother needed at this time in her life. He could tell by how they looked at each other, how they touched each other as soon as possible and how they smiled and laughed together. He had to admit, he had never seen his mother so relaxed and spontaneous. But what really convinced him, had been seeing them kissing. He was coming back from the bathroom into the kitchen when he caught them red-handed, tight in each other's arms, completely unaffected by anything that wasn't the person they were clutching, completely lost in a moment of pure bliss. So, not wanting to embarrass them, he turned back and, before returning to the room, he had made enough noise to warn them of his presence and immediately he heard his mother ask Andy to pass her the salad. Ricky smiled at that memory and ran a hand through his hair. "I think it's time for me to go back inside and take a shower before the little brother wakes up and occupies the bathroom for an hour."

"Go my dear, I will stay here a little longer." Left alone, the smile disappeared from her lips, and a line returned to her forehead. How could she explain to Ricky she had not slept that night because she had a strange sense of unease that had not abandoned her? She had a feeling that something bad was to befall them, a visceral feeling becoming almost a physical pain that had forced her to leave the bed and search for comfort in her beloved tea. She wasn't the kind of person who trusted her emotions or took her own decisions based on them. She loved rules, real facts, with them she felt herself safe, with them she worked every day, but this time it was a perception too strong and too real to be ignored. Something bad, something dangerous, and, she trembled at the thought, maybe something deadly.

She looked one last time at the city now fully awake and put a hand over her mouth to hold back a sob. She just hoped she was mistaken.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own anything, Major Crimes belongs to TNT.

A/N The story is set between seasons 4 and 5.

Thank you for all your reviews.

 **Chapter 2**

An hour later the house was in full activity mode. Sharon was in the kitchen preparing breakfast for everyone; Ricky was reading something on his iPad, comfortably seated in the recliner near the window, his feet propped on the coffee table, while Rusty was going back and forth between his room and the bathroom.

The silence was broken by the sound of the doorbell. Sharon was cooking and then she turned back to look at her children. "One of you two can open, pleeease!"

Ricky didn't move from his place, actually sank himself still deeper into his chair. "Rusty, did you hear your mother? Open the door, little brother."

Rusty opened the door, glaring Ricky, who smiled and gave him an ironic grimace. It was Andy. The kid nodded at the Lieutenant and made something that, with a lot of imagination, could be considered a smile. "Lieutenant," he greeted him, "Sharon's in the kitchen, I'm going to finish getting ready." And without another word he went back to his room.

"Good morning to you too kid," Andy smiled, shaking his head, "Ricky," greeting the other boy with a nod. A wide smile spread his lips when he arrived in front of Sharon. "Hello," he whispered and pulled her closer and kissed her on the head. She smiled too and stroked his chest at heart level.

Ricky watched the whole scene and raised an eyebrow. "Lieutenant, early this morning someone told me my presence didn't change your routine. Was it a lie?"

Andy looked confused, he didn't understand what Ricky meant, so he looked to Sharon in a silent request for clarification. She just shrugged and smiled, as if to say, "He is strange I know, but make him happy."

And Andy did it. "No, Ricky, it's true. We are what you see."

"So, I have to believe that is how you say good morning to the woman you love?" he replied, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to remain serious. "I would have expected better from a man with your reputation, Lieutenant!"

Sharon could not help but blush. "Ricky, stop it immediately, and remove your feet from the coffee table!"

"Come on mom, it was an innocent question. I understand that you aren't so young, but when you love someone... "

"Richard!" Sharon's cheeks were on fire now, eyes wide open. Her son had always been an ironic kid, always ready to joke, but now he was exaggerating, all those questions and those speeches about love began to be misplaced.

"Okay, okay," Andy interjected as he placed his jacket on the back of a chair. "May I?" he asked looking at Ricky with smiling eyes and pointing at Sharon.

"Of course." The kid gave his permission, as if really he had the power to decide.

Immediately Andy surrounded her waist with his arms and pulled her against him firmly. Sharon moaned and looked at him shocked, her eyes widened even more with surprise.

"Good morning, my love," Andy whispered before he captured her lips into a real kiss. At that contact, sweet but passionate, every possible protest melted like snow in the sun and Sharon kissed him back while a hand, with its own life, touched Andy's cheek for a tender caress.

Rusty arrived at that moment and he stopped at the door. "Guys, I thought we had a deal for that!"

Moving away a little from Sharon, Andy kept his arm around her waist to prevent her from running away embarrassed. "Deals are your mother's specialty, not mine, sorry." He shrugged with a smile. "And then occasionally breaking the rules is a pleasure I have almost convinced your mother about. True Sharon?" he added, looking at her with a sly smile and quickly raising both his eyebrows.

"Exactly Lieutenant, I agree!" Ricky nodded vigorously before turning his attention to Rusty. "So little brother, do you have a problem with PDAs?"

"I have no problem," the boy sat at the dinner table, "I just prefer not to see. For you it is easier, you're not here all the time. If I let them do what they want ... well, sugar taken in large doses is not a good thing, if you know what I mean."

Sharon rolled her eyes before she glared at both kids with Darth Raydor's gaze. "That's enough. My relationship with Andy is not your business, okay? Now be quiet and eat." She knew they were having fun provoking her and that there was no malice, indeed it was a way to express their affection, and she loved them for it, but she could not help but be embarrassed by those speeches. Therefore she wanted to sound resolute, to scare them, but her voice betrayed a hint of emotion and her cheeks were flushed again.

"Oh, look, little brother," Ricky said, joining them at the table, "you did blush mom!"

"Really, she was already blushing with your questions Ricky," Andy clarified, filling himself a glass of orange juice. "But these red cheeks are nothing, you should see her when I ..."

"Andy!" a shocked Sharon patted him on the arm. "Don't encourage these two, they are already uncontrollable."

"Okay, from now on, we will be good. Right guys?"

When Ricky and Rusty nodded, Sharon could finally relax. From that moment they talked a bit of everything but her love life: she listened while her children talked about new technology, of which she didn't even know the name, she joined the conversation when Andy started a discussion about baseball and football, and she laughed at their jokes and made her own. Finally, after several hours, the feeling that had tormented her seemed to quieten down, while not disappearing completely.

When they finished eating, the three men put the dishes in the dishwasher and talked about their agenda for the day. It was Monday morning and Sharon had to go back to work, two free days were the most she could take, while Rusty had to go at class and then to do some research to decide which new case to use in his vlog. So Ricky had arranged to meet up with old friends and they would meet up again in the evening as a family, if work didn't keep Sharon and Andy in the murder room until late.

Sharon was taking her badge and gun from the entrance table when Ricky's iPad signaled a message and she saw him reading it with a strange expression. "Any problems? Can't your friends make the appointment?"

"No mom, it is an application that I installed recently. It sends a message every time one of my contacts is quoted on a website. That's how I found out about the reviews on Emily's latest shows and dad's new cases."

Rusty walked over to look over his brother's shoulder. "And this time, who is quoted?"

"It is mom. Several news sites mention her name." Ricky continued to slide the touchscreen with an interested look.

Andy scratched his chin. "Maybe it is for the triple murder we solved last week? Your mother was really bright, you had to see how the worm cracked when she interrogated him."

Ricky shook his head. "It's something older. It says reopened the Lloyd's case. The former police officer, who has been in prison since 2008, could have a review of his trial. His lawyer brings new evidences and a very important witness . Do you remember this guy, mom?"

If she remembered? She couldn't forget, even if she wanted to. She had hoped never to hear about it anymore. But, it seemed, her desire would remain unrealised.

"Wow, the Lloyd case," Andy was genuinely surprised, "one of your mother's greatest successes when she was at AI, a couple of years before she began to collaborate with Chief Johnson and Major Crimes. It was a long and complex investigation, a real media event. Reporters tried in every way to have an interview with your mother, but she never agreed to their requests, even after the conviction. I remember some newspapers were not gentle with her because of her silence. And even inside the department there were some tensions."

Sharon, her face completely expressionless and her gaze fixed in front of her as if she was bringing back unpleasant memories, let out a "You have no idea." Without another single word, she picked up her purse, ready to go out.

"Come on mom, tell us something more. You can't leave us like this."

Rusty looked very curious. The typical curiosity of reporters, she thought, the same she'd experienced several years before. But, then as now, she wouldn't discuss this case with anyone. "It's a past history Rusty, and it must remain there. It's not something for your vlog, please don't make me repeat myself." Her voice must have been harder than she would like, because all three men looked surprised and a bit worried.

Andy cleared his throat. "Now it's time to go, it's getting late. Have a good day, guys." He put a hand on Sharon's back and guided her out of the door. He had to admit it, he was surprised by her reaction, her reluctance to talk about what she herself called a past history, but he preferred not to show it. After all, he thought, at that time he was not too familiar with Sharon's past work and all he had heard about the investigation was from rumors or from the official documents available. And he knew only too well those pages gave half-truths only, the facts it described were just the tip of the iceberg, the bulk remained well hidden, especially when concerning internal pressures and clashes. The truth was privileged to few people, those directly involved and very few others. And often, not a privilege, it was a heavy burden especially on correct and honest people like Sharon.

When they stopped at the elevator, Andy took her chin between his fingers and leaned up to her face, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Sharon, are you okay?" he asked gently looking at her with adoring eyes. The good mood she had been in at breakfast was clearly gone, now he could see only tension and worry on her face. For him, who could now read her like an open book, it was clear that something had upset her and it happened immediately after Ricky mentioned Lloyd. But he would not directly ask if she wanted to talk about it. He knew that to insist on it when she was in this mood would only be worse, she would become even more closed off, like a clam.

This was Sharon, she needed her time and now Andy had learned to know and to respect this, so he would have to wait until she chose the moment to let off steam with him. For now he simply let her know that he was there for her, with her. Always.

And Sharon understood this. She smiled at him and softened her eyes, stroking his arm. "It's all right, thank you. And now let's hurry before Provenza calls us exasperatedly, complaining about being buried by paperwork."

When they arrived at Major Crimes, Sharon greeted the team and went immediately to Provenza's desk. If anyone could know better what was happening, it was the old lieutenant, he had been there for many years and he had the right background knowledge. She also had friends to call, after all it was her case and no one would be surprised if she had made some calls to know more, but before she got in the game personally, she hoped to have other details. _Always better to know who or what you have to face, this avoided unnecessary risks for everyone._ It was one of the rules she had always respected in her work.

"Lieutenant, what do we know of the reopening of the Lloyd case?" she asked without any preamble.

"Good news travels fast, I see." Provenza put down the newspaper he was reading and pointed a finger at the headline. "What do we know ... besides the fact they reopened it?"

Sharon put her hands on her hips and looked at him severely. "Lieutenant, I have no time for joking."

"Jokes! Do you think I'm joking?" He ran a hand over his face and looked at her sadly. "No one speaks, it's all a damn secret! New evidence they say, and no one has ever seen anything! An important witness? You know him? Because I absolutely do not! And, to make all this crap worse, the attorney who handled the case eight years ago is dead."

Sharon nodded. "Yes, Frank had a car accident two years ago."

If anyone was surprised that the captain called Attorney Allen by his first name, well, no one showed it, even if Andy and Provenza exchanged a quick look.

"Exactly," Provenza said. "But there is one thing I could say and, believe me Captain, you will not like it, as I don't. I know who the new attorney is, and I tell you that, while with Allen you could talk, the new DDA is certainly not an approachable kind."

"We know him?" asked a curious Amy.

"She, Sykes, she is a woman. It's our dear Emma Rios. So if you want to know something, well, good luck Captain. "

Sharon looked up to the sky and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Captain," interjected Lieutenant Tao, "Chief Taylor called. He wants to see you in half an hour in his office and he said that Captain Morrison will also be there."

"Your replacement at AI?" The surprise in Andy's voice was evident. "Sharon, what's going on?"

"I don't know Andy, I really don't know. But I will find out it soon." She looked at them with a half smile. "Well gentlemen, this isn't our investigation, so don't worry about. Now I'll go to my office." She took the newspaper that until a few minutes before was in Provenza's hands. "This goes with me. Thank you all."

"Sharon ..." Andy reached out to brush her arm, but she just gave a smile that seemed more like a grimace before disappearing, closing the door with a bang louder than usual.

Andy and Provenza exchanged another look, this time more tense than before. It was clear that something big was about to happen and the interview with Taylor and Morrison was the confirmation. Could there be mistakes or irregularities in the investigation conducted by their Captain eight years before? Lloyd's attorney could have used them to reopen the case?

Certainly there were things in Sharon's past, when she was at the FID, they didn't know and would never know, questions that probably affected both her working and private lives. But could there be something negative in her past? Something that could change the opinion they had of her? Now that she was Provenza's good friend and respected boss and for Andy the woman he loved? No, both thought, it was very difficult, indeed impossible. Sharon Raydor, the woman of rules and protocols could not have that kind of secrets.

Meanwhile, safe from prying eyes, Sharon was leaning with her back against the door, trying to keep calm. That damn feeling, that painful knot in her stomach had returned stronger than before, so strong that even breathing had become difficult for her.

She closed the curtains and sat down at her desk then opened the newspaper and began to read.

But after only a few lines it was impossible for her to be concentrate. Memories called inexorably.

She closed her eyes, fell back against the chair back, and finally she allowed the past to re-emerge with all its strength, clear and tangible, as if the last eight years had never existed.


	3. Chapter 3

**\- I do not own anything, Major Crimes and its characters belong to TNT.**

 **\- The story is set between seasons 4 and 5.**

 **N/A : Thanks for your comments, I'm glad you like the story. I'm sorry for the long wait**

 **N /A2 : the italic parts are set in the past**

 _February 2008_

 _That evening she was late, by now it had become a habit. She looked at the watch on her wrist: 9:00 pm! She was in her AI office more than at home._

 _But, in the end, it wasn't so bad, remaining there she carried on her job, in her apartment she would be alone with a glass of wine in her hand, wondering when her children would return to visit her and to brood on how lonely her life was becoming._

 _She looked down at the papers on her desk and tapped on them with the pen. If that case was found to be even half as serious as it seemed, the blow to the LAPD would be tremendous, and she risked becoming even more alone and unpopular than usual at the Department. She didn't have a large number of friends anyway; it just wasn't possible with her work._

 _The people only thought - and often said - that Internal Affairs were the bane of the LAPD, "false" policemen who prevented the real ones from doing their work with absurd rules and often they ruined the lives and careers of respectable people._

 _No one was trying to understand._

 _All of them were policemen, they all had made the same oath - to protect and serve the people of LA - and Internal Affairs investigations did not happen for fun or revenge, they were necessary to investigate whether suspected members of the police force had broken the law, or had shown criminal behavior._ _No-one was convicted without a fair and complete investigation, the same as for robberies, kidnappings and murders._ _Of course, when a crime was committed by those who had sworn to fight them, the crime became even more vile and difficult to accept, but in any case, the final winner had to be law and justice._

 _And she had devoted her life to law and justice. Therefore, the case she was working at that time made no difference, no matter who was involved. It really was not even a real case, but a preliminary investigation based on some reports arriving in her office. The first anonymous call had come just after the Christmas holidays; the detective who answered had transcribed everything as usual but had almost immediately branded it as_ _a series of lies_ _, an attempt by someone wanting retaliation against the police officer who had arrested him. But then calls had continued at the rate of almost one a day, and they were always well detailed, with dates, figures, places, so it was impossible not to open an investigation file._ _She had done it herself, informing her team that she would manage personally that case and her people understood._ _It was not lack of confidence in them, the problem was that this case could ruin the career and reputation of those who managed it, especially if it was a bluff, and she was not one to put others at risk, if she could help it. Of course she needed their help, but all the responsibility would be hers. And then there was another issue to be considered, a possible leak and then a subsequent tampering of the evidence before she could test it. The fewer people involved, the easier it would be for her to manage everything._

 _Chief Pope, with whom she had a meeting that morning, had the same opinion. No wonder that Pope wanted the strictest of confidence and the verification of every detail before she made a formal accusation to a senior officer in a powerful position of his Department. When you reached a position like the one William Pope had, you stopped being a cop and you turned into a politician or acrobat, always looking for the best way to make everyone happy and not upsetting anyone, no matter if it was the mayor, the journalists or men under your command. "I'm sure, Captain, you will act for the Department's interests and will be discreet as always," he told her, smiling but with a tone of command._

 _A muscle flickered on the Chief's cheek and a good dose of concern appeared in his eyes when she answered, without hesitation, that if the interest of the Department was to eliminate the disturbing elements inside it, without suffering any pressure or favoritism, then yes, she would act as always._

Sharon settled back in her chair. Looking back now, eight years later, the fear she had glimpsed on the Pope's face to her response, made her smile. Already at that time, there were rumors about him as a possible candidate for chief of police, and much depended on his ability to handle situations like this. Accusing Martin Lloyd, Commander of the Anti-Drug Department, of corruption, misappropriation of money seized in raids and even, to have an agreement with Mexican cartels for drug dealing, caused a catastrophic earthquake. Until that time, Lloyd was an institution at the LAPD, even a hero in the community due to his ongoing commitment to rid the streets of the city of drugs and drug dealers. Thanks to him and his men the city had become safer and soon even the press had begun to address the exploits of Commander Lloyd exalting his great bravery, investigative ability and the results obtained. Results that had earned him also several official awards presented to him by the Mayor and Pope himself.

To be too soft would spark protests by that section of journalists and citizens who saw the LAPD as a world apart and the policemen as arrogant bullies who wanted to enforce the rules to others, but did not hesitate to take advantage of their position, to the detriment of justice and security.

To be too hard, upset the people who supported the police to the hilt, thinking them undervalued and underpaid for the service provided to the city at the risk of, their lives and would have created enormous tensions within the same Department. This, in fact, had happened, as Andy recalled that morning, because what she discovered proceeding with the investigation, had not allowed her to be at all popular.

 _April 2008_

 _With her FID team, she was returning from a crime scene, a shooting that involved three officers, fortunately without serious consequences for anyone and that would be resolved quickly, when, in the lobby of the Police Administration Building, her attention was drawn to a group of police officers, some in plain clothes, others in uniform, staring at her with a scowl. She was used to certain looks, when she went into action, a policeman was going to get in trouble, and everyone else tended to be in solidarity with the colleague involved._

 _And this time was no exception._

 _Quickly she recognized those detectives, anti-drug agents, all of them under Lloyd's command. As she feared, as soon as she started to verify the information of anonymous reports, checking the records and the evidence filed and approaching her informants, rumors had inevitably begun to circulate, and soon arrived in the ears of the people involved. Lloyd's men were making a square around him and identified her as the enemy._

 _By now she was accustomed to it, she had had to get used to it. The looks, the comments, the insults ... she had built an armor around herself. She, who had been given the worst and most varied nicknames, pretending not to hear when these things were uttered behind her._

 _So, she entered_ _on_ _the elevator without giving too much importance to these men._

 _The doors were about to close, when one of the plainclothes policemen blocked them with both hands. "Captain Raydor, you and your team have been on the field? Fortunately you came back safe and without even a speck of mud on your nice clothes." The tone was clearly mocking, with a tinge of anger barely contained. "Your work exposes you to great risk, I know, it is dangerous to collect evidence, transcribe testimonies and order everyone to stay back."_

 _He eyed her from head to toe with a mischievous smile. "You know, I like women who give orders, they can be very exciting."_

 _Detective Marlowe, her most trusted collaborator, moved forward threateningly, but she stopped him with a hand on his arm._

 _The other man glared at him. "_ _Quiet, Marlowe! I don't want to invade your territory! And no matter how many exciting a woman can be, I don't like someone who makes accusations while she is sitting on her comfortable chair._ _Captain, you should be doing our job only for a couple of days and I bet that you would lose the desire to make absurd accusations."_

 _She looked over the Detective's shoulders to the other officers. Some of them looked at her irritated, others giggled amused, only one, a young, blond guy, looked uncomfortable and kept his eyes lowered. For a long moment she was focused on him, then she turned her attention back to her accuser. She folded her arms across her chest and returned the look of defiance: she knew that man, Detective Sandoval, had a file on him with several complaints and disciplinary measures, and the words of a man like that don't bother her. "If you've finished Detective Sandoval, my comfortable chair is waiting for me and certainly I don't want to be late because of you."_

 _Sandoval removed one hand from the door and began to turn around. Then, suddenly he looked back at her. "I was thinking, even when you only collect evidence and depositions, sometimes you can have accidents. Be careful Captain."_

 _"Are you threatening me?"_

 _"Me? Absolutely not,_ _is_ _just an observation, I would never want to hear something bad has happened to you." He walked away, walking backwards and left her with a military salute, putting his right hand to his temple._

 _This time she blocked the doors, lips stretched into a smile that didn't reach her eyes, where indeed there was a glacial stare. "Have a good time until you can, detective, because I think that we will meet again soon and next time it will not be you who smiles."_

 _She had enjoyed the moment, the smile quickly faded from the Detective's lips. She pulled back herself and, finally, the elevator began its ascent._

Sharon shook her head. At that time she had smiled and succumbed to the temptation to respond to the threat with another threat, which usually she never did, preferring actions to unnecessary words. With hindsight, and knowing all that would happen later, maybe she would have behaved differently.

She turned on the computer. Despite all the time that had elapsed, she still had a folder with all the documentation about Lloyd on her PC. Though she wanted to forget after the trial ended, she was never able to delete it, her subconscious had forced her to keep it there, hidden, but still present, to remind her what she had obtained but also what she had mistaken and what she had lost. Perhaps, more than her subconscious, what blocked her to delete those documents had been guilt.


	4. Chapter 4

**\- I do not own anything, Major Crimes and its characters belong to TNT.**

 **\- The story is set between seasons 4 and 5.**

 **N/A: Thanks for your reviews, I'm glad you like the story. Sorry for the long wait.**

 **N/A2: The parts in italics are set in the past**

 ** _July 2008_**

 _The investigation was finally over. Positively. The evidence obtained by her team was enough to arrest Lloyd and some of his men with real and serious charges._

 _Anyone should be satisfied, anyone should be able to gloat, because once again the bad apples in the department had been eliminated and LA citizens could feel themselves protected, as they deserved._

 _But she could not be satisfied._

 _The last months had been difficult, tense and dangerous also, for the first time since she had been in that job, there were moments she felt totally alone and she had been tempted to drop everything. But her principles, the values_ _she believed in and the need to do justice, in the end prevailed. To remind herself why she did it, and with whom she was dealing, she had decided to be present at all the trial hearings that began that day. Even if she had to testify she would have to wait at least a week, as Frank had said to her._

* * *

Frank Allen ... she was lucky that he was the DDA for that process, they had known each other for some time and they respected each other; working together was easy. In fact a few months before the investigation began, he invited her to dinner, making her know he was interested in her. Frank was a good man, intelligent and charming, but she was not ready for a new relationship despite the fact that she had been separated for years already. At that time she wanted to focus only on her career and on her children, who were about to leave the nest, so she refused, saying what she said habitually: "I am a married woman." Fortunately Frank understood her reasons and he remained her friend despite everything. If he hadn't tragically died two years earlier when his car went off a cliff, he would be the first person she would call now, for sure he would help her to understand what was going on. He was the only one who, sharing with her that time, could comfort her, as he did eight years earlier.

* * *

 ** _July 2008_**

 _It was the third day of the trial and she was outside the courtroom waiting for the hearing, but that day she was nervous, anxious. Sitting next to her, Frank noted this and smiled at her, laying a hand on her arm. "Sharon, you need to be calm, we have solid evidence, Lloyd's attorney can't do anything. That worm and all his cronies will end in jail for many years and you will not have to worry about it. I promise you."_

 _She tried to smile, but then her gaze was attracted by someone behind Frank: Lloyd, with his lawyer, his wife and son, a boy of about ten years, was approaching them. When he was beside them, he looked at them first contemptuously and then mischievously, seeing Frank's hand still on her arm. But what surprised her most was the child's stunned gaze fixed on her._

 _She didn't understand how a mother could bring such a young child to attend the process, with all the morbid curiosity revolving around her husband at the time. She would do anything to keep Ricky and Emily away from such a situation!_

 _Meanwhile, the child pulled his father's hand to get his attention. "Dad, is she the witch?" he asked hesitantly at his parent._

 _The Commander nodded and crouched next to him. "Yes Nick, she is the wicked witch who wants to send dad to jail."_

 _Then the boy's eyes darkened, his irises became as hard as those of his father. He let the man's hand go and went closer to her. "My dad didn't do anything, he's a super cop and you're a horrible witch!"_

 _There hadn't been any hesitation in his voice, rather he screamed loudly, making everyone present turn to them, many of whom were openly laughing._

 _Frank immediately gestured at the guard with Lloyd's family to make them go away. "That poor child," he shook his head sadly. "A father like that can ruin your life for ever, surely he will be a difficult teenager."_

 _She looked with sad eyes at the door beyond which Nick Lloyd had gone, then sighed. "Another innocent victim of my investigation."_

 _"Sharon, please, don't do this to yourself. You have done your duty, and nothing that happened is your fault! Lloyd is the culprit and only he must face the consequences."_

* * *

This wasn't the first time, and it would not be the last, that they faced the subject, and no matter how Frank would insist and how she, deep inside, knew he was right, she could not be convinced and could not forgive herself.

She opened a file and her gaze went to the photo at the top of the document. She put a hand to her lips trying to calm the tremor, but she couldn't avoid her eyes becoming moist. It was the portrait of a young, happy and smiling guy, with a whole life to live, with millions of dreams and hopes. But his misfortune had been to meet her.

* * *

 ** _May 2008_**

 _The coffee shop she had chosen for their first appointment was many blocks away from the Police Administration Building, an area of_ _town where she hoped they would be safe from prying eyes._

 _She stroked the book of Dickens leaning on the table, her sign of recognition._ _She was not proud of the ruse she used to lure the boy there, but she couldn't risk being discovered talking to him. And he was the last hope left to her._

 _After the first months in which she had verified positively the reports received, in which informants had collaborated with her, the situation had changed dramatically, all the mouths seemed sewn up and even anonymous calls had ceased. Her investigation was at a standstill now; this change having started after her clash with Detective Sandoval the previous month. Her suspicion was that the detective reported her words to Lloyd and the Commander decided to use the violence to silence the rumors about him. No coincidence that recently there had been some suspicious deaths and disappearances of local drug dealers, but all had been filed as turf wars between rival gangs. She was convinced those missing men were the authors of the anonymous calls to Internal Affairs._

 _For days she asked herself how she could break the deadlock and the answer was always just one: she needed someone inside._

 _Her mind immediately returned to the young blonde cop embarrassed by Sandoval's behavior in the PAB hall. With great caution, she had made inquiries about him. She wanted to know everything about his work and his private life; to involve him deserved deep reflection. The risks were enormous, for her and for him._

 _As she had imagined, he was a recruit at Lloyd's orders since the beginning of the year. Twenty-two years old, Academy honors graduate, Jonas Brown had personally requested to be assigned to Narcotics. People said he did it because he was upset by a close friend's death from an overdose. By cleaning up the streets of the city, he wanted to avoid the same fate for other guys. A young, idealistic and sensitive man, who believed in his work, who was very attached to his family and friends and who loved life in all its aspects._

 _It was unlikely that Lloyd would risk involving a man like this with his business; the Commander could be defined in many ways but certainly he was no fool. But, in any case, she could not let her guard down, her assessment could be wrong: if, as many people in the city did, Brown saw Commander Lloyd like a hero, he would not believe her, ruining her plan. There was also the issue of other officers who, when they talked about her, certainly said bad things, and Brown could have been influenced by what he had heard from senior colleagues._

 _The door opened, the bell placed on top of it jingling, and she sat up straight in her chair. Whatever the truth was, she would find it out soon enough. Jonas Brown had arrived._

 _His copy of the Dickens book nervously closed between his hands, the young man looked around, seeking who had invited him there. He smiled and his face relaxed when, finally, he saw the other book on the table, but the expression changed again when he looked up at her. Certainly he knew who she was, but he was confused, uncertain, his forehead furrowed with doubt and surprise. It was not what he expected._

 _ **She**_ _was not who he expected._

 _She had discovered something very personal, taking information about him. Eager to find his soul mate, but shy and a little clumsy with women, he had registered himself to a website for singles, not one where people looked more for sex than love, but a serious, honest one. Pretending to be a young woman who shared his interests, she had sent a message to him and made an appointment in that cafe. Much of the information about Jonas was from his profile, including how much he loved Dickens. That's why she chose a book of his favorite author as a sign of recognition._

 _Meanwhile, the young man had approached the table. "Are you Sharon?" he asked, hesitant._

 _"Yes, Jonas. It's me. Sit down please, we have much to talk about."_


	5. Chapter 5

**\- I do not own anything, Major Crimes and its characters belong to TNT.**

 **\- The story is set between seasons 4 and 5.**

 **N/A: Thanks for your reviews, I'm glad you like the story. Sorry for the long wait.**

 **N/A2: The parts in italics are set in the past**

 _May 2008_

 _Jonas Brown sat in front of her. Visibly embarrassed, he moved his eyes from Sharon's face to the book he had brought with him. He had been resting his left hand on the cover and he tormented the thumbnail with his index fingernail, a gesture he always made when he was nervous._

 _He looked like a bewildered puppy, and this made Sharon feel even guiltier. He was just a guy catapulted into the adults' world. He made her think of her son Richard, who had recently left for San Francisco, hoping to realize his dreams._

 _Sharon felt a tender emotion, so she put her hand on his and smiled when he looked surprised at her. "I'm sorry I lured you here with false pretenses, but you will understand that I couldn't look for you at your division, and I couldn't call you to my office. You do know who I am, right?"_

 _"Sure, I know! You are famous in the Department. Captain Raydor, the Wicked Witch of Internal Affairs." Realizing what he had said, he looked startled. "I'm sorry, I ..."_

 _"Don't worry", she interrupted him with a tap on the back of his hand, "you have chosen the most innocuous nickname. I bet you have heard worse, I have even heard them myself." She smiled, a wide, sincere smile. "Some of them are funny, others, well, I can say that some could be true, but I will not tell you which ones!"_

 _She was trying to make him comfortable and, from the movement of his shoulders, she knew he was more relaxed now. "So, you work in Narcotics. If I can ask, why did you make this choice immediately after the Academy?"_

 _In part she already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it from his lips, she wanted to see his emotions, his feelings. She wanted to "read" him to decide if he could really help her._

 _"I hate drugs, I hate the effect they have on people, I hate that those who sell them don't care about the many deaths that they leave behind them, regardless of whether they are men, women or kids. I know that "hate" might seem like a strong word, but honestly I don't know how else to define what I think about it." He shrugged. "I want to fight against this plague and since my parents have brought me up respecting the law, to choose this work was a natural consequence."_

 _Well, she thought, if he was sincere, he was the perfect person for the job._

 _"It looks like something personal ..." she trailed off the sentence, she wanted him to be free not to answer if talking about it caused him problems._

 _She saw him swallow a few times as he wondered whether to confide in her._

 _"I had a close friend," he started with low voice, "we did school together from kindergarten to graduation. Marc was a good guy, intelligent, kind and a scholar, he wanted to be a doctor and he hoped I would study medicine too, but I was still undecided about my future. The summer after graduation, we volunteered at a shelter for the homeless. Here Marc met a girl a little older than us and began a relationship with her. Unfortunately she was a drug addict, without intention of cleaning up, indeed she dragged Marc into that nightmare. When I realized what had happened, I tried to help him to get out of it but he would not listen to reason. "I'll stop when I want," he said, "let me live my life". But his life at that point no longer existed, drugs had seized it. His days were dedicated only to researching the drugs and the money he needed to buy them. One day he came to see me, I was happy to see him even if I was sick of how he was reduced, thin, pale, emaciated. I let him in the living room and walked away to get something to drink." Jonas pursed his lips and looked down, to recall those moments was not pleasant. "When I returned, I found him rummaging in the drawers looking for money or something to steal. I was so disappointed, so angry, and for a moment I was tempted to throw him out and forget about him forever. "_

 _"But you didn't..."_

 _Jonas shook his head. "No, I couldn't. I knew that this was not Marc, it was not my friend. My anger wasn't directed to him but to the thing that had reduced him like that and also to myself for having not prevented it. So I convinced him to listen to me, it was not easy, we both said bad words to each other, there was even some shoving, but finally he admitted to having a big problem and asked me to help him. We agreed that I would accompany him to a rehab facility the next day. But I made the mistake of making him go away." He went back to looking at her straight in the eyes. "Marc didn't show up for the appointment. The police found him three days later under a bridge with the needle still in the vein. 'Overdose'. Only one, cold word to end a promising young life. A month after, I entered at the Academy, already knowing what I would do next. I had failed with Marc but, if I gave my soul to this work, maybe I could save other lives."_

 _As he spoke, he had begun again to worry his thumb nail. Sharon saw it and covered his hand with her own. "Jonas, stop it, you're going to hurt yourself."_

 _The young man smiled._

 _"What?" she asked._

" _You are like my mother. She also says the same thing to me and she holds my hand for a while, hoping to stop me. And then she snorts when I start again."_

 _"Well, it is normal for mothers, we are made like this" she said shrugging a shoulder and returning his smile._

 _"So, have you children, Captain?"_

 _"Yes, two, a girl and a boy. And you remind me of my Ricky so much."_

 _Jonas nodded. Pulling his hand away from hers and running it through his hair, he sat back in his chair. "Captain, we both know why we're here. At Narcotics everybody talks about your investigation and I'm not deaf. And I was present when Sandoval blocked you at the elevators. So, enough with sentimentality and pleasantries. What do you want from me?"_

 _"You're a good man Jonas, and a good cop. I knew it since I saw you the first time and today I have had confirmation. For Internal Affairs, for me, you can become a great resource. Lloyd is guilty, he and other men in his team." She pushed herself forward, determination in her gaze, and continued with more emphasis. "They pretend to be honest but really they behave like drug dealers, but this is worse because they dishonor the oath and they dishonor all of us who wear the badge, including you and me. They consider people like Marc less than nothing, for them the addicts only are a source of income. These men must be stopped and I am working to do that, I have evidence of their guilt but to make the decisive blow I need someone inside. I need you."_

 _Jonas half-smiled, shaking his head slightly. "If you had the evidence, you wouldn't need me. If you had the evidence, you wouldn't organize all this staging!" he concluded gesturing into the room and at the books on the table._

 _Sharon decided that saying the truth was the best thing to do. "You're right, what I've probably got isn't enough for a judge to issue the arrest warrants, but it is enough to know that Lloyd isn't who he claims to be, it is enough to give me the strength to persevere. I'm taking an enormous risk and I wouldn't do it if I wasn't sure of the need to stop them as soon as possible."_

 _"So, you want me to betray my colleagues and become a spy? Do you know how the spies are considered in the Department?"_

 _She smiled and shrugged. "Of course I do. Just the same as us in Internal Affairs. People will give you a bad name, someone will say he doesn't know who you are even if he's known you for years, others will not want to work with you and they will do all they can to make your work harder than ever. They will try to put you down, to isolate you, to weaken you, at certain moments they will make you believe the best thing is to give up. But, at the end of the day, you will look yourself in the mirror knowing that you did your duty, and that for you 'serve and protect' are not just words but a way of life."_

 _Sharon closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath. She tried to re-wear the cold mask of professionalism that she had created all these years, but she knew that, only for a moment, with the emotions on her face, she had allowed Jonas to see beyond it. She wouldn't have wanted to reveal so much, but she could not stop herself. Now he knew her really._

 _"You told me why you chose this job, and I'm offering you nothing but the opportunity to do it right. If you want to save others guys like Marc, then we have to join forces." She paused to allow him to assimilate her words, then she spoke again. "I like Dickens for real, and this quote in particular I hope that real love and truth are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world. The love we feel for the people who have been entrusted to us, the dedication to our work, to search for truth and justice, these are the positive feelings that can defeat all the evil in our world, but, Jonas, it needs a lot of fortitude and a lot of conviction. And sacrifice." She took her tablet from her purse and, after opening the case file, slid it across the table toward him. "Let me show you what I found, so that the facts will be enough to convince you and not my words. She saw him look down on the tablet but not yet fully convinced. "I don't want to force you, Jonas, consider it for yourself, you are free to make your choice. I will accept it, whatever it is."_

 _For the next half hour Jonas read the transcripts of the anonymous calls, he evaluated the evidence that Sharon and her team had found by consulting records and archives, and he examined the details obtained from the informants. He asked questions and listened attentively to the explanations she gave him._

 _At the end, with a resigned sigh, he looked at her and folded his hands on the table. "You told me that I would be free to decide, but it is not true. There is only one possible choice, and you know which one it is."_

* * *

Sharon got up and went to the window. For the umpteenth time in these eight years, she cursed her behavior with Sandoval in that distant April and in the following weeks too. If she was not so sure of herself, if she had not threatened, if she had controlled her anger, maybe the investigation would not have run aground and subsequent events would have been different. It was all her fault and she could not forgive herself because...

A soft knock on the door brought her back to the present. She adjusted her glasses and smoothed her skirt, trying to regain her composure. "Come in."

Andy stuck his head round the door with a reassuring smile that always had the effect of a balm for her suffering. She had only to look at him, meet his eyes because then everything became easier, the biggest obstacle was overcome. She hoped that it would happen even this time.

"Sharon, the half hour has passed, Taylor will be waiting."

She looked at her watch. It was late! She hurried to close all the files on her computer, then walked to the door that Andy was holding open for her.

When she was next to him, she put her hand on top of his on the handle and pushed to the door closed. Then she rose slightly to give him a light kiss on the lips.

"Thanks," a single word barely whispered, with her lips still very close to his.

Andy was amused and surprised. "Wow, a kiss in the office! What did I do to deserve this infringement of the rules? Not that I'm not happy with it!" he said, raising his eyebrows with a mischievous expression. "Indeed, if we had time ... " he continued, putting his free hand on her side.

"Andy!" she rebuked him with mock reproach. "Thanks for not pressurizing me, for not forcing me to speak. Thanks for letting me take time to think and remember. I promise you, as soon as I know what's going on and I regain order in my head, I'll tell you everything."

"Sharon, I'll wait. At any moment, for whatever you'll need me, I'll be there."

"I know, Andy." She straightened his tie, making run her hand run slowly on it, a now customary gesture for her and one she loved to do. "I know."


	6. Chapter 6

**\- I do not own anything, Major Crimes and its characters belong to TNT.**

 **\- The story is set between seasons 4 and 5.**

 **N/A: Thanks for your reviews, I'm glad you like the story. Sorry for the long wait.**

 **N/A2: The parts in italics are set in the past**

 **N/A3: I don't know a lot about California Legal System, only what I learn watching TV show like Major Crimes, so I hope you forgive me if I make mistakes or I write something no totally real about the investigation part in this story.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

Sharon entered Taylor's office without hesitation. She wanted to know what was going on. She wanted explanations, but, above all, she wished she could leave that story forever in a remote corner of her memory, chasing away the guilt that, once again, threatened to crush her.

Once inside she made her eyes wander around the room and she was surprised to find Chief Taylor and Captain Morrison there, together with Emma Rios. As Provenza had explained to her, she was following Lloyd's case now but, from what she knew, her presence wasn't expected for that meeting. And if Emma Rios introduced herself without being announced, something really big was going on that the enterprising and ambitious DDA thought only she could resolve. Certainly, knowing the past, it couldn't be anything positive for her, Sharon thought. "Gentlemen," she greeted the men in uniform, "Emma, I didn't expect to find you here ..."

The young woman settled her black hair behind an ear giving a snide glance to Taylor. "Really, Captain Raydor, someone tried to hide this meeting from me, but, fortunately, I'm here now. I think it would be useless, counterproductive and even a little stupid do it without me, knowing what awaits us in the next days."

Sharon sat on the chair Taylor pointed out for her, crossed her legs and raised an eyebrow questioningly. Emma wasn't one of her favorite people, but if she had the answers she wanted, then Sharon was willing to bear it. "What are you talking about?"

Emma was ready to reply but Taylor blocked her with a hand gesture. "Captain, Sharon, I think you know about the reopening of Lloyd's case, it was in all the newspapers and websites today," he waited for her to nod in response. "Lloyd's lawyer, Petersen, presented a new witness to the Court, someone directly involved in the investigation, who states that some evidence against the Commander was built to frame him, that some witnesses were persuaded to change what they said with promises of sentence reduction or acquittals. This witness also said that during the searches almost two million dollars disappeared." Chief Taylor paused, seemingly uncomfortable and he looked at Captain Morrison, searching for help.

But this time Emma was faster than them. "Captain Raydor, because of this statement, Lloyd accuses you of framing him and stealing the missing money. The witness was considered reliable because he worked on the investigation in a very important role, but mainly because, with his statement, he also accuses himself, confessing he knew everything and that he took money from you for his silence. Six hundred thousand dollars of the two million disappeared."

The three in the room were familiar with Sharon, with the imperturbability and the almost obsessive self-control she imposed on herself, especially related to the job. They knew she wouldn't show her true emotions even in the light of these big accusations, but they were expecting a reaction, a profession of innocence. But even this time, she surprised them.

She just looked from one to another, imperceptibly changing her position in her chair, the famous Darth Raydor mask tightly on her face. After all, she had expected this. Her instinct had alerted her. That strange feeling of anxiety and fear that had taken her from her bed that morning, unfortunately was right: something terrible was coming.

Because of this knowledge, she could remain impassive even though inside her anger, annoyance and disappointment churned strong, knots in her stomach. During her career with Internal Affairs she had often been threatened, she had been under pressure, she had been always treated almost as a traitor, but she was never accused of any charges in the performance of her work. Her ethic, her respect for the rules and the law has never been questioned. No shadows darkened her and now everything was overturned, by a man like Lloyd no less! Yes, disappointment was the right word for what she feeling at that moment. "May I ask who this witness is and what exactly he said about me?"

"We don't know the details yet. His statement was made spontaneously to Petersen and then presented to the Court, but until the Judge decides whether to accept or reject it as a new element to reopen the process, we know only the general outline. Petersen, as in his own right, didn't want to reveal all his cards."

Sharon looked Taylor straight in the eyes. "But he wasted no time in talking to the press. I'm surprised they haven't charged me already."

"Yeah, but we fear they will soon. Today several newspapers promised more sensational details for tomorrow," Morrison informed her, who until then had remained silent. "Sharon, I must not be the one who explains to you how AI proceeds in these cases. You wrote most of the documents and rules about this, so you know well enough that with the deposition being in the hands of the Judge, we will not be opening an official investigation until the Court has examined it and provided us with all the details. But you also know that, in the meantime, we will have to make a claim for irregular behavior against you and begin some checking. Most likely we'll hear the witnesses and the accused, we'll talk with your team of eight years ago, and we'll check your finances." Morrison leaned toward her. "I'm sorry Sharon, but that's our job. We wouldn't even have to inform you as long as there is nothing official, but we know Lloyd and Petersen, they will not hesitate to play dirty if necessary and make a scandal. Chief Pope, Deputy Chief Taylor and I, after long discussions, thought it was right to warn you."

"But you forgot to ask for the opinion of the Attorney's office and haven't told me of this meeting!" Emma protested. "If Captain Raydor is to be tried, your decision could cost us a lot. In short, we should be the ones who accuse her and she would know already everything we have against her."

Sharon couldn't hide a gesture of annoyance. "Are you ready to convict me, Emma? I thought the Stroh case taught you to be more cautious. Anyway, I am grateful for the warning, but I don't want any favoritism. I contradict myself, as person and as officer, if I chose this way."

"Captain, this is not a favoritism, it is not only out of respect for you, we want to absolutely avoid the Department being involved in another scandal. If the judge accepts this statement, the checks on you will turn into charges for witness bribery, embezzlement, building evidence, power abuse and perjury. Very serious charges. The storm affects you first, but the whole LAPD would be overwhelmed. Our popularity is not at all high, so we will do all we can to prevent new upheavals."

While Chief Taylor talked, Sharon glared at the DDA, noting her unhappy expression, so she said with a bothered tone: "Come on, Emma, ask me, go straight to the heart of the matter."

"Captain, did you build evidence or put pressure on witnesses to convict Commander Lloyd eight years ago?"

"No."

"Have you stolen the money found during the searches and with that bought the silence of those who were aware of your actions?"

"No."

"I think we can stop it here now", Taylor tried to attract the women's attention but the two continued to stare at each other with unfriendly expressions. "Sharon", he insisted, "if the charges are formalized, I cannot help but suspend you from leading Major Crimes until all is clarified. And it can take a very long time, the situation is complicated and controversial. Some people who could speak in your favor aren't here anymore " - the reference to DDA Allen was clear - "Petersen could convince someone else to change his version, worsening your situation. Sharon, your reputation would be compromised and then ... "

"And then," interjected Emma Rios, "the best thing you can do is make a deal and take early retirement."

"Thanks Emma, but I'm innocent so a deal or retirement are unthinkable. Therefore, if your advice is all so absurd, you can keep it to yourself."

"Ladies, please, we are here to work together and find a solution. Sharon, we have often had different ideas, but I want you to know I trust completely in you and in your work."

"Thank you, Chief. But, you haven't answered my initial question yet. Who is my accuser? "

"Declan O'Connell, is the one who accuses you Sharon," said Captain Morrison in the end.

Confused Sharon furrowed her brow. She expected the name of one of her old detectives from Internal Affairs, or one of the officers who joined her team eight years ago as backup when the investigation was in full swing.

Declan O'Connell was not in her thoughts.

She always had full confidence in him. Apparently, she had made a big mistake.


End file.
